This was really good. Most ero twine games on Itch are pretty trash, but I found myself spending about an hour or so exploring everything this one had to offer.
Nice work. =) Quite fun to explore, written better than most of the games I've found around here, and clearly laid out with thought put into not making the backtracking too frustrating. The parodies and references feel somewhat shoehorned in, though; the parts I liked best, and that drew me in enough to finish the whole thing, were all your own. I'll be looking out for anything else you make.
Errors spotted, after I started keeping track:
"vigorous mandling" in Goul's scene
"slick labia, which is stretched" -> "are stretched" in Hellga's
"threat her infernal internals poses" -> "pose" in the Tunnel Snake scene
"sweet the sanctified cloth across her nose" in the less friendly version
"canus" all over the place, unless that's an intentional variation on "canis"
Tenses wandering a bit in the greenhouse intro and some other places.
"lionine" -> "leonine" in the Plains. Also, "bear in a knothole" is kind of confusing both for that character to be using and in general. Never seen that expression before, not sure what the intended image is here.
"The demonic priestess stumbled once before slumping to the floor, where she lay motionless." -> "stumbles" and "lies" to fit with the present tense in the rest of the scene
Post-vision, "compliment one another" -> "complement"
← Return to game
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
This was really good. Most ero twine games on Itch are pretty trash, but I found myself spending about an hour or so exploring everything this one had to offer.
Nice work. =) Quite fun to explore, written better than most of the games I've found around here, and clearly laid out with thought put into not making the backtracking too frustrating. The parodies and references feel somewhat shoehorned in, though; the parts I liked best, and that drew me in enough to finish the whole thing, were all your own. I'll be looking out for anything else you make.
Errors spotted, after I started keeping track:
"vigorous mandling" in Goul's scene
"slick labia, which is stretched" -> "are stretched" in Hellga's
"threat her infernal internals poses" -> "pose" in the Tunnel Snake scene
"sweet the sanctified cloth across her nose" in the less friendly version
"canus" all over the place, unless that's an intentional variation on "canis"
Tenses wandering a bit in the greenhouse intro and some other places.
"lionine" -> "leonine" in the Plains. Also, "bear in a knothole" is kind of confusing both for that character to be using and in general. Never seen that expression before, not sure what the intended image is here.
"The demonic priestess stumbled once before slumping to the floor, where she lay motionless." -> "stumbles" and "lies" to fit with the present tense in the rest of the scene
Post-vision, "compliment one another" -> "complement"
Epilogue: "regail" -> "regale"
Thank you so much for taking the time to list those out! With any luck, I've gotten rid of all of them now.